No Mr. Darcy
|No Mr. Darcy|
I will try to make this brief as I can. My husband and I separated over a lot of issues, the main one being I thought he was cheating. Well, I think he may have been, because we were not even apart a month when I found out he is seeing his mother’s chore worker. I was devastated. I loved him and wanted this marriage to work.
I called near divorce time to tell him where to send the papers. We had nothing but angry words to one another before that call. He was sweet. I told him I was so sorry our marriage ended, but thought of him often and still loved him. I just wanted to cleanse old wounds. One hour later he called back asking to come to my home to clear the air.
We both cried and talked about where we went wrong in the marriage. He asked me to give him time. He said this other woman did not want him; he barely ever saw her. But then he revealed her daughter and her daughter’s husband are living with him. Just give him time to clean up this mess.
When he told the other woman I called, she came running back into his life. He still leads me on and tells me he wants to try. I am getting played the fool, but I am having the worst time letting him go. I try but I can’t. He is the love of my life.
He sees me wanting out, then he spews out words to hook me again. I feel like a fish getting thrown in and tossed back time and again. I know she is not living with him, but she sees him two or three times a week. Then he gets cool and distant toward me. But if she stays away, he leads me down this cruel path.
I have prayed, remained faithful to him, and now I am at my wits’ end. How could anyone do this to another for a second time? Help me let him go, please. I have always been a strong woman, but this time I find no strength to be that woman.
Beatrice, how could he do this to you for the second time? The same way he could do it to you for the first time. This mess is a mess made by him. It was his mess to make, and it was his mess to clean up. But he has made another choice.
He is not willing to do without a body in his bed. If she’s not there warming his bed, he wants you to be there warming his bed, with not a care about how either of you is affected by this.
There is enough of the charmer, or the serpent, about this man that he can receive the benefit of having two of what he should only have one of, at a time. Someone you can spend your life with, share your bed with, share your deepest thoughts with—someone like that is someone not like this man.
In Jane Austen’s novel “Pride and Prejudice” there is a clergyman named Mr. Collins. Mr. Collins is a bootlicker and dense as a board. But in the novel he says one wise thing. After Lizzy Bennet rejects his offer of marriage, Mr. Collins says, “I have often observed that resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to lose somewhat of its value in our estimation.”
This man is not the love of your life, though you want him to be. You wanted one wedding and one lifetime marriage. You cannot have that with him. You can never rest with an easy head or an easy heart. He won’t stand by you. To free yourself, he has to lose somewhat of his value in your estimation.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Posted on Sep 17, 2007 by Site Admin
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