Deep Thoughts

Dad What If You Die !

You know that rough times follow before and after divorce, I was just thinking about what life will bring to my family and me. I enjoy life to its fullest and I love my kids and love them around me at all times. But itís the hardest when they are not here with you. You think of the good times you share with them, like taking them on road trips to the Gulf of Mexico visiting the beach house on the ocean side watch the waves roll in and the kids saying ď WOW! TIGHT! DAD!Ē All the people enjoying the beach. Then take them to visit family in Arkansas and seeing the mountains and different places. Talking to relatives who tell off on dad when he was growing up and what he was doing. I didnít remember all that was told. I enjoyed the stories they told of me cause it gave me the sense of family and where I came from and the values my family had and didnít have.
Times are rough but I cope with the changes of single parent hood. Money is a little tight since the divorce and bills keep coming in so I live day by day with the grace of God. Kids think that money grows on that magic tree in the back yard or that little blue credit card that seems to make money appear out of that machine in the drive thru side of that building. Dad I need that! Oh can we have that dad? Dad Iím bore lets go do something! Well I guess you get the drift what kids want and need in Life.
One night during summer time of July I had both kids with me and I went to bed and I approach the bed their was my thirteen year of daughter in my bed on the far side asleep I smiled and rolled back the covers and got in and was about ready to fall asleep. The nine year old comes walking in and clumps down and squeezed right in the middle of us and was pushing to fit in. You hear the bickering stop pushing! DAD! I said both of you settled down. Well some time had passed and I fell asleep. I heard a noise next to me. It was sniffing and a little coughs. I remember that my son had allergies and I ask him if he took his medicine. He reply no! I told him that he might want to take it. He started crying, ďdad its not my allergiesĒ. I said what wrong son and he said, ď Dad I donít want you to die! I said, what? I donít want you to die in his trembling voice. I said D J Iím not going to die right away. Mind me and listen to me when I tell you things and enjoy me while you can. I know dad but I canít stand the thought that you will die! We all canít live for ever son, enjoy life and me while you can. We have a promise from God that when our time here is over there is a place of comfort where we will meet all of our love ones.
I know dad its the thought that I will miss the things that you do for Danielle and me if you die. You work so hard and we donít see all the things you do to support us and we want lot of things. I just donít want you to die! He fell asleep and I thought about what he said and it touch emotionally. Iím so lucky to have a Son who cares about his daddy.
There times I feel that I not a good daddy. I like to give the kids everything that their hearts desires, but I realized that I have to watch what I spend and be thankful for what I got. Itís when they pout when they want something so bad and you tell them no! the kids make you feel like the biggest meanie around.

Posted on Nov 10, 2007 by gaby_4_u

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